My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
