The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
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the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
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When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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