every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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