dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
