somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
