Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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