She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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