doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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