i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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