I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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