I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
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I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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