Banned from zoo.
Again?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
