Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
