I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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