once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
