You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
