Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I want her autograph on my taint
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
