I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
