just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I will pee on everything he values.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
