when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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