You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
