and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
