They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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