The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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