i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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