He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
