What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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