my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
How's work?
Spinning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
