Where did you get a picture of my penis
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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