Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
