Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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