Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
