Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
