You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Drake has all the answers
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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