we have officially lost it.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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