my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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