I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
