Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
