my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
