Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
