i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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