I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
