Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
