hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We're too hungover to prance.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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