walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
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nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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