She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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