I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
