yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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