I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
