i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sext me about skeletons
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
