btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
