I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
