More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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