I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
