just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
