Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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