you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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