Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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