I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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