Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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