So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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