I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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