I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
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Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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