some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
