I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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