Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i think i have two assholes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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