My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
