remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My vagina just recognized that song.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
