lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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