No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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