I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
